Now or Never: The Space Between the Past and the Future (Audio Post)
We're constantly making sense of our environment through the concept of time. But what happens to the space between the past and the future? How can we harness the now?
This week’s newsletter is a bit late. But what is time if not a human construct aimed at making sense of our environment? And what happens to the now - the time between the past and the future?
I was pondering on these questions during Arabic class last week – the teacher had asked us to write two short stories; one about a place we had travelled to in the past, and what had made it so special. The second story had to describe our upcoming travels to illustrate what excites us about this trip.
What the Past Tells Us
For the first assignment, I wrote about a short trip I had taken to the UK some time ago. I shared how it had been wonderful to explore London, catch up with my brother and his wife in Bristol, and play with their two cats. We enjoyed meals together, shared inside jokes, and even had the chance to go bowling after what felt like ages. Writing about it made me smile and long for more.
I had triggered my episodic memory – a term coined by psychologist Endel Tulving to describe the part we use for recalling experiences – by writing about my past travels. He shared that episodic memory was akin to a type of mental time travel because we enter a state of consciousness similar to when we were forming these memories. This type of memory is deeply linked to emotions and can be triggered by our senses, such as taste, sound, and smell. I finally understood why certain songs made me sad and why some foods reminded me of people I was no longer close to.
Thankfully, research by a prominent neuroscientist illustrates that we tend to recall more positive memories than negative ones, and most of our conversations are built on the exchange of memories through storytelling.
What the Future Holds for Us
For the second assignment, I shared a short story on a place I want to travel to with my mom, and why I like travelling with her the most. My mother is my best friend and we can shop and chat for hours. Every place we explore together becomes a special memory, so I always look forward to these travels.
To me, the beauty of the future is that it is unknown and our every action can change it. In contrast, some are terrified by this unknown factor. When we don’t know something, it can cause us anxiety because we feel unprepared to address it.
What would knowing how the future unfolds change for us, though? In my opinion, it would make life boring and predictable. We would no longer be surprised and fall into a routine. Perhaps we would try to change what we know because we aren’t happy with what it holds. I fondly remember my grandmother’s words “Never ask a fortune teller about your future. You’ll start to live it as if it were your current reality even when someone is trying to mislead you”.
How We Can Appreciate the Now
The wisdom above has not come to me overnight. I too, have been guilty of looking at the past with a feeling of “why can’t life be what it was at the time of …..” and feeling immense sadness due to these thoughts.
I too, have wondered if I’ll ever be successful in the future and able to achieve my dreams. A lot of inner work over the years has taught me that we have a choice, and that our decisions and beliefs shape the outcome. I had to consciously teach myself not to look back at the dark stuff of the past and focus on where it has led me today.
Connecting the dots over time has helped me appreciate where I am regardless of the pain that led to it. I know many who have held on to their pain from the past or are filled with anxiety about the future. It can be burdensome to carry these pains with you and even more so to not know what you’ll be up against. If this feels like what you’re going through, there is solace to be found.
Reflection For Being in and Appreciating the Now
Eckhart Tolle, a spiritual teacher who has shared millions of insights through his books, is famous for the following quote:
“When you surrender to what is and so become fully present, the past ceases to have any power. You do not need it anymore. Presence is the key. Now is the key.”
Let me give you my own example of being in the now. It’s mental health awareness week and I have spent the last 3 weeks leading up to it away from social media to appreciate the now. I was getting a bit tired of the constant influx of “how to double your income/followers in x ways” posts.
Boy did it feel good to live in the now and focus on what was happening around and inside me! It occurred to me that the beauty, peace, and love we seek and desire are right here, right within and among us.
You’ll find them in the early morning coffee you sip while looking out of your window, and when stretching your legs on the sofa after finishing your work. They’re in the moments you’re waiting in the queue/walking in nature and appreciating what’s around you without looking at your phone. They’re in the seconds you get to hold another being close to you, and in the hours you spend on your favourite activity - without knowing where you are and what time it is.
That is the now. That is your peace. That is the beauty no one can take away.
Here is a small reflection for you to try this week:
1. When you wake up tomorrow, try looking at your day from afar, like watching a movie.
Who is the protagonist? What are they doing?
What does their day look like? Who/what do they spend their time with/on?
Is this person generally happy or sad? What brings them innate joy: a rendezvous with a friend? A great day at work? Sharing a meal with a loved one?
What would you say to them as a friend? Do they appreciate what they have, do, and feel?
2. Now that you have analysed this person, their behaviour, and their surroundings from afar, what changes would you make as the director of this movie? What would increase the protagonist’s focus on the now? What are they missing out on?
3. Step out of the movie: How will you make these changes in real life? What actions will you take from now on to be more appreciative, mindful, and at peace?
With gratitude,
Raksha
Ps. The past is a movie you can rewind and watch as often as you like, similar to Netflix. When we watch movies more than once we notice patterns, phrases, and behaviours we never did before. We know we cannot change the movie or its ending, yet we watch it again and again. The present is beautiful, changeable, and still here, so why not focus on this movie instead?