You're Alone, Not Lonely
The difference between these two words changes your perception of the self and others.
Once upon a time, a flower was growing in a field of grass. It was the only flower in the whole field, and passersby would stop to marvel at it day after day.
“Oh look how it stands out among the green fields”, said some admirers, while others said “It sure is striking”. The flower heard this and kept blooming, nurtured by the soil and the sun.
Surprisingly, no one stopped and asked “Why are you all alone, dear flower? Aren't you lonely?”
Not a soul said “You won't make it alone”.
But those same admirers were known to wonder why and how people living alone ended up like “that”. They would ask “Aren't you lonely? How do you survive? How do you keep going from one moment to the next, with no one by your side?”
If you are living alone and are of marriageable age, separated from a partner, or living alone by choice/due to circumstances, you can probably relate to the story above. But so can couples who spend a lot of time apart.
These days, it can seem like everyone has an opinion about how you should live your life.
The mistake here is that, unlike the blooming solo flower, we assume people who live or spend lots of time alone are lonely. Firstly, I believe we need to shake the assumption that being alone equates to suffering, aimlessness, or an incompatibility with others ;)
For, although alone and lonely have become synonyms colloquially, they don't mean the same thing. With the wrong people around, even the happiest, most cheerful person can feel lonely—if you've spent years in a home a full of people who could see you but didn't make the effort to understand your views and what you needed to feel supported, you'll know what I mean.
Moreover, many people I know are not alone, yet suffering due to daily friction, abuse, misunderstandings, and more. They feel lonely despite being surrounded by others.
Similarly, with the right mindset, one can be alone without feeling lonely. Some of my best friends are alone and thriving: they have a routine, purpose, friends, and above all, a commitment to enjoying life.
They see living as a personal development journey and choose their self-respect and sanity above staying in dysfunctional homes/relationships purely to fulfil societal expectations. They also don't blame others for their choices or circumstances.
In other words: alone ≠ lonely and lonely ≠ alone. Knowing this makes all the difference in life; You can go from a victim to an empowered individual in seconds.
And if you happen to find yourself alone (at times), relish in these moments of self-growth that life gives you. It is an art to be alone with ourselves. To take ourselves out for a drink. A meal. A stroll. Or a movie.
It is in these moments of just you and yourself that being becomes knowing. You get to know what you like and don’t like, hope for and dream of, and what you are willing to do to achieve it all.
And now, in honour of those who are lonely, here is a small poem I wrote the other day. It holds a reflection too, if you can decipher it ;)
Lonely people have a lot of time.
Their minds have space to accommodate emptiness with tears, memories, and thoughts.
They watch movies to fill the gaps left by people they once loved.
They read books to hear words they longed to hear.
They hug stuffed toys, hoping to replace the warmth of another with the soft plush.
Yes, lonely people have a lot of time.
Their hearts are looking to fill up with moments that never came true.
They soak up the sunshine and sing in the rain.
They contemplate every action, and reflect on every pain.
They save the teacups and plates for special days to come.
Maybe lonely people have a lot of time.
They teach us what all we can but should never say, not to ourselves, not to anyone.
With gratitude,
Raksha
so so true, thank you for reminding us of this 🌸
Beautiful and very true!