Is "Always Tell the Truth" the Biggest Lie out There?

We've been taught the importance of telling the truth no matter what. But does telling the truth set us free or bind us to outcomes we'd never imagined?

Photo by Elena Mozhvilo on Unsplash

When I was little, my parents would assert a range of values they wanted my brother and me to adhere to. “Always tell the truth because it’s the right thing to do” was one of them. Ah yes, always. There was no room for discussion because lying was simply not done.

Life, however, taught me otherwise. I noticed how telling the truth to an adult would often result in punishment rather than reward. Telling the truth at school would lead to instantly being categorised as persona non grata and losing all friends. At work, telling the truth would most likely get you fired. These are not stories - they’ve happened to many I know.

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Both adult and parent-child relationships seem no different in this regard; no amount of deep love prepares us for the raw truth our loved ones can spew out in moments of anger. “You should do X or you’ll badly regret it later on” is a famous one, while “This (insert hurtful example of one wrongdoing magnified) is what person X told me they think of you, and they’re not the only one” is yet another.

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So, does lying make you a sinner? A trickster? A fraud? That depends entirely on:

1. The situation you’re in

2. The consequences you’ll face

3. The ethical framework you adhere to

4. The set of beliefs you’ve made your own

Let me elaborate a bit on the above. A lot of us would lie to save our loved ones from trouble. We would hide or justify their wrongdoings to a certain extent so we don’t lose them. Others would even take the full blame for a loved one’s wrongdoings.

In toxic relationships e.g., people often resort to saying (white) lies to stay safe or alive. When a robber attacks us, it’s best not to be completely honest with this individual so we can find a way out. Likewise, telling an unaware parent that their actions are hurtful can cause us to be ostracised, so avoiding the subject helps us stay cordial with them.

I took me a long while to understand that - while we may wish or be deeply conditioned to tell it - the truth will not always set us free. Sometimes a lie or white lie will work in our (and others’) favour. Staying silent is another alternative.

I believe, whenever we talk about or teach telling the truth, we must mention the following disclaimer:

Both telling lies and telling the truth have consequences. Therefore, making a choice between them depends on which consequences we’re willing and able to face in the moment (and years later, where applicable).

I look forward to reading your comments on this, and hope you have a lovely summer!

With gratitude,

Raksha

ps. I am not advocating that we should lie more often, rather that we should contemplate our actions and their consequences before we consider them the only choice available.