Smile lines. Crow's feet. Frown lines.

Sunday musings on facial lines, the stories they tell, and how chasing perfection robs us of joy.

“Ma, don’t cry or frown so much. You’ll have to spend a lot on botox when you’re older and the wrinkles have formed. Are you willing to do that?”

I would often tease my mum with the above in my late teens. She would giggle, immediately stop crying or frowning and say “No, of course not”. This was in the early 2000s, when I had only just read that botox could be used to freeze our muscles into place for a short while.

Smile lines. Crow’s feet. Frown lines. Isn’t it wonderful how faces are such accurate maps of our experiences? I only learnt about this through a connection on LinkedIn - a master face reader who can tell you all sorts of things about yourself and your experiences based on what he sees.

In one of his posts, I read that certain facial lines appear thanks to moments of happiness and others due to intense sorrow or defeat. Part of me instantly wondered why people were so keen on hiding the evidence of their joy and proof of their sadness to appear smooth, perfect, and unaffected later on in life.

Maybe it is because society likes the idea of a well-maintained façade like that of buildings. Ironically, we tend to appreciate old buildings to the extent that governments don’t allow modifications to their façades and interior. Maintenance is carried out to preserve their unique characteristics, and in many cases, these buildings are declared monuments that enrich our cultural heritage because of the stories they tell. That is not the case for our faces and bodies, sadly.

This thought struck me on my travels in Turkiye last month. I complimented a newly-made friend on her beauty only to receive a surprising answer: “Oh thank you! I have done lots of botox and fillers and I am thinking of having a nose job done soon.”

I was stunned and asked “Really? Are they common nowadays?”

“Well, I’m 24 and all my friends are getting procedures like nose jobs, breast implants, and liposuction. Botox and fillers are everyday things for us” she giggled.

And there I sat, wondering how many of us (especially women!) look around at models, movie stars, and friends, and consider ourselves less worthy or pretty. I am no exception.

We are quick to point out our big nose, chubby cheeks, thick eyebrows, a smile line here or a frown there. All without realising that our unmodified parts are as genuine as can be and no one is perfect. Hardly anyone is born like that goddess-like movie star we admire but we don’t think of it that way in the moment.

We see them as more and ourselves as less, instantly disregarding the flat nose that denotes our racial and genetic structure, the skin colour that illustrates where and how our ancestors lived, and the body shape that is linked to a particular region.

I know beauty is a personal thing - just like the beauty standards set and adhered to by different cultures around the world - so don’t let this post deter you from what you believe is right. Reflect & Breathe is not a place for judgement, rather deep introspection.

All I ask is that you don’t lose yourself in the process of comparison. Whether you choose to be a smooth canvas with no evidence to the outsider or a face filled with stories of each encounter, I hope you remember your loveliness regardless of the work carried out/missing on your façade.

Fill the lines on your face with happiness

Fill the dimples in your cheeks with laughter

Look to the years you’ve lived with grace

And you’ll rejoice in the beauty of your face

With gratitude,

Raksha