(Audio Post) The Art of Looking Down
Looking down carries a negative connotation. What if you could learn the art of looking down for rising up, giving respect, and uplifting others instead?
I once knew a man who’d claim he knew more than others. He’d regularly express disdain for anyone who’d excel at their craft or had found ways to flourish in life.
This man had one major problem: he kept looking down on others, and it was because they were younger, more successful, and better at something. He never progressed in life because of it, and kept seeking fault outside.
A lot of us have this flaw without being aware of it. We may disapprove of others’ behaviour, way of life, or way of thinking, thus considering ourselves superior to them.
The problem with this approach is that we miss out on the lessons this person could teach us. When we see someone as less worthy than ourselves, we forget the very thread that unites us; humanity.
Humanity comes with fragility - We are all souls and will take nothing with us when our life is over. This realisation is crude, hard, and much-needed.
But looking down can be used for positive means too, provided we look down in the literal sense, ergo at the facts. This means we see things without assumptions, judgment, or any preconceived notions. Let me give you my own example.
Looking down as a foreigner on holiday
I was recently in Vietnam on a short trip. While sat in a cab, I noticed how plenty of locals chose to ride their scooters in the bustling capital of Ho Chi Minh city.
For a second, I was horrified seeing young children being transported (without a helmet) whilst being sandwiched between their parents on a scooter. I instantly wondered how a parent could do that to their child. I had questions running through my mind, such as: Weren’t they scared of traffic accidents? Were they not concerned about their child’s life? Did they not care enough about road safety?
At the next traffic light, a little child sat between her parents smiled at me. And that’s when my privileges came to light. I had the chance to sit in a cab as a foreigner on a holiday, but who knows what her parents could afford?
Perhaps this was the very best they could give the little girl, and sandwiching was their way of keeping her safe. I gulped and shook my head at this realisation.
I had been quick to judge and realised how not to look down. I myself don’t own a car in Barcelona and I should know better, I thought.
Looking down as parents on children
Similarly, a friend who’s in the hospital shared how amazed she was at her 2-year-old daughter’s reaction. “Last month, I told my little girl about my upcoming operation. I shared that I’ll be away for a month in the hospital, and she was fine. She didn’t cry at all when I left the house, and said “Okay mommy, I’ll see you soon”. It amazed me how much she understood what I’d told her”, she narrated.
My friend’s therapist had instructed her to explain things to her 2-year-old daughter despite her age. “Don’t assume she’s incapable of understanding because she’s only two. Give her intelligence the same respect as any other human being” she’d been told.
Some parents struggle accepting their child’s intelligence and disregard their ideas and opinion, which causes a lot of friction. My friend’s example highlights the importance of respecting children as a parent. The results speak for themselves. Respect given is respect won.
The art of looking down without condescension or judgment
So, how does this work in practice? My maternal grandfather had a valuable attribute that explains how to go about looking down.
He often shared that we, the newer generation, deserved respect for our ideas. Bearing in mind that he’d migrated before he was a teen and had shouldered the responsibility for his entire family from then onwards, this was a novel approach. He never showed us any superiority regardless of being successful or spiritually evolved.
That is precisely the lesson I took from his behaviour; Superiority lies in the way we treat and think of others, not in what we have achieved, gained, or accumulated. Here are 4 points you can apply to practice looking down the right way:
Focus on the facts and put aside judgment, feelings, and emotions. If you see a child sandwiched between two parents on a scooter e.g., take it at face value. Nothing more, nothing less.
Understand that you’re able to look down because of a certain privilege you have. This privilege should help you become grounded, not proud. You can stay humble and grounded with the help of empathy and respect for other beings.
Remember that when you look down, someone is looking up at you at the same time. This is especially the case in parent-child relationships, and as leaders in the workplace. If people look up to you out of respect, give it to them by honouring their input, suggestions, and ideas. Win their trust and they’ll return the respect twofold.
If you must look down, let it be for lifting others up or sharing a kind word. Never out of disdain.
On that note, here’s a famous Chinese proverb:
Be like bamboo. The higher you grow the deeper you bow.
With gratitude, and see you next week,
Raksha