The power of being in denial

A story on why denial is powerful and how hope channeled through denial can be beneficial.

Is it a coincidence that two people I consider myself quite close to have mentioned aging to me in the same week?

It started with a friend I haven't spoken to in months telling me about her aching bones and the medical follow-up required. “I'm getting old, sweetie. I have to accept that”, she said with a giggle.

“Noooooo, you're still young. You'll be fine soon. Don't say that”, I replied. I knew - in the back of my head - she wasn't as young as when we'd met but that didn't constitute old. Not even in my wildest thoughts.

A few days earlier, another family member had said something similar. “I need to accept that I'm getting older and health problems may arise from aging” she’d said.

I was amused at both their sincerity and lack of denial when addressing an otherwise sensitive topic.

Both of them were right in their own way; You can't escape aging - you might be able to delay it and tamper with it to a certain extent with the help of procedures and medication.

Both of them weren't spring chickens, either. (This is a hilarious yet awful metaphor by the way. It makes me imagine the person’s head on a baby chicken walking around in a garden).

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The only one in denial was me, and digging deep helped me discover why exactly.

I had seen these two people in the prime of their lives and admired their courage, non-conformity to society's standards, and extreme perseverance amidst adversities.

Hence, it baffled me why they'd see aging as a limiting factor. They were exemplary fighters and I expected them to fight more instead of accepting defeat.

This morning, I woke up with a deeper understanding of the power of denial. Spring chickens or not, I hadn't lost hope or given up on these two despite the health issues they revealed. Strangely enough, I realised, being in denial had given me a sliver of hope; A chunk of “No way, I'm not letting you off the hook”.

I told my friend that getting better would result in us seeing each other soon, possibly in her country or mine. That seemed to uplift her mood instantly. And I'd meant every word of it.

To the family member in question I'd said something along the lines of “You can make the necessary changes through medication instead of accepting defeat, and that will safeguard your other organs from damage so you can live a healthy life”. She seemed grateful for that nudge and promised she'd see a doctor. I sighed with relief.

You see, hope is all we have in the face of adversity, pain, and disappointment thrown at us by life.

Denial’s power to help us channel hope will be the one that makes us reach out and ask “How are you, really?” and “What can I do to help/make you feel better?”

So, by all means, let yourself be overcome by denial sometimes. Who knows, someone (even you!) could use the power - the hope that stems from it - to keep going.

What do you think?

With gratitude,

Raksha